Consequences of Hyper-Gifted Child Development: Transitioning from Narcissistic to Possessive Adults
In the spirit of the holiday season, many families find themselves grappling with the question of how many gifts to give their children. This issue, it seems, is not just a personal dilemma, but a reflection of a broader social dynamic, as educational expert Javier Urra suggests.
Urra, an expert in therapeutic pedagogy, posits that we live in a consumer society with an oversaturation of material gifts. He states that hyper-gifting creates a society made up of clients, not citizens. This perspective is echoed by Silvia, a parent of two children, who has tried to minimize the number of gifts by following a rule: two gifts per child, interchangeable or shareable.
However, limiting the number of gifts can be complicated due to family dynamics. As Silvia explains, one person may want to add more gifts, causing the packages to multiply. The real challenge for Silvia and Marcos comes when trying to establish boundaries with the family regarding the number of gifts. Some family members have gotten angry when they try to limit the number of gifts, and enforcing the rule can be difficult.
Teresa, a mother of a seven-year-old child, mentions that her child opens 4 to 5 packages per house during Christmas and another 7 to 8 during Reyes (Three Kings Day). This is not an uncommon occurrence in Spain, where the average number of gifts per child during Christmas amounts to ten, a figure that specialists consider alarming.
Experts generally consider that receiving too many gifts during the holidays can be harmful for children, though there is no universally fixed number defining "too many." Research and expert opinion suggest that around 4-5 quality gifts provide a better experience than a large quantity. Excessive gifting can lead to overstimulation, reduced play engagement, and emotional downsides.
Too many toys create choice paralysis for children and reduce their ability to focus and engage deeply with any single toy, undermining imaginative play. When children frequently receive a large number of gifts, they may become less appreciative of each item and develop a sense of entitlement or expectation for more presents. Just like adults, children can feel overwhelmed by an abundance of options, which can dampen the joy of play and cause frustration or anxiety.
Less meaningful interactions often result from excessive gifts, as families spend less time engaged in shared activities and more time unwrapping presents. Experts recommend focusing on quality over quantity by selecting a few thoughtful, durable, and developmentally enriching toys or gifts that promote open-ended play and can grow with the child.
Urra proposes an interesting solution to encourage generosity in children: asking them to give one of their toys as a way to prepare them to be generous. Educational and family advisor Ane Kerejeta recommends negotiating with children when preparing their wish lists, and proposes including an experience gift that is not material.
The potential emotional and psychological consequences of excessive gifting on children include overstimulation and overwhelm, reduced appreciation and entitlement, decision fatigue, and less meaningful interactions. These can lead adolescents and young people to look for ill-advised shortcuts to find immediate satisfaction, warns Urra. He adds that excessive gifting can lead to a demanding personality and difficulties in tolerating frustration, causing children to transfer that vision to people in the long run.
In summary, while there is no strict limit, gifting about 4 to 5 well-chosen gifts is generally recommended by experts to avoid negative emotional and psychological effects related to overstimulation, diminished appreciation, and overwhelmed decision-making in children. It is essential to commit to an education based on values and experiences that foster empathy, solidarity, and the ability to enjoy what is essential.
- Educational expert Javier Urra suggests that hyper-gifting created by a consumer society can lead to a society made up of clients, not citizens.
- Silvia, a parent, has tried to minimize the number of gifts by following a rule: two gifts per child, interchangeable or shareable, due to challenging family dynamics.
- In the realm of health-and-wellness, mental-health specialists caution that receiving too many gifts during the holidays can be harmful for children, potentially leading to overstimulation, reduced appreciation, and entitlement.
- A positive approach to teaching generosity in children, according to Urra and family advisor Ane Kerejeta, is asking them to give one of their toys or including an experience gift on their wish lists.
- Balanced family-dynamics and home-and-garden habits can be fostered through a focus on quality over quantity in gift-giving, promoting open-ended play, empathy, and overall development.
